Sorry, can be both the easiest and hardest word to say. When it comes to admitting we were wrong and hurting other people, it can be difficult for even the most humble of people to say. But in contrast, we have all been in situations where we say “sorry” automatically, without even having done anything wrong.
Have you ever apologized when someone has walked into you in a corridor – even when it wasn’t your fault? Have you ever said sorry when you are taking back a defective gadget that you have just bought – and certainly didn’t break?
This is called over-apologizing. It is a common problem and one that you would be forgiven for thinking that wasn’t an issue. In fact, it can be having a big impact on your life and the way that people look at you, without you even knowing about it.
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Why do we Over-Apologize?
Research shows that people who apologize too much are essentially (and usually sub-consciously) trying to show that they are agreeable, trying to avoid confrontation, nice and compassionate. In fact, research also shows that people who apologize unnecessarily tend to be, erm agreeable, trying to avoid confrontation, nice, and compassionate.
Over-apologising can also be a sign of feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem. It can be a sign that someone was conditioned as a child into believing that they weren’t important, their opinions don’t matter or that they had done something wrong.
This can actually have the opposite effect on other people and is why we should all be making an effort to stop apologizing when we haven’t done anything wrong or don’t feel remorse.
How to Stop Over-Apologising
By saying sorry too much the message that you are sending out to the universe is that you are undeserving, meek and don’t matter. So, by reducing your ‘sorries’ to times when you really mean it you can send out a completely different message.
It’s easier said than done, however, so here are some tips on how to say sorry, less:
1. Think before apologizing
If you can feel a ‘sorry’ about to slip out, pause and ask yourself if you actually want to be apologizing. If you haven’t actually done anything wrong, skip the ‘sorry’ and say what you actually need to say.
2. Turn a negative into a positive
There are some situations where you can turn a ‘sorry’ into a positive comment. So instead of saying “sorry, I made you come out and pick me up”, you could say “thank you so much for coming out and picking me up”.
3. Think up alternatives
We all have common situations when we use the word ‘sorry’ unnecessarily. Try to think of some of these situations and what phrases you can use instead. So, when you bump into someone in the street, why not say “oops, are you alright?”? Or instead of saying to your partner, “sorry to say this but…”, why not try “I know it’s difficult to hear, but…”.
The habit of over-apologizing is a common one, and a tough one to break. By changing your habits though, you can tell the universe that you are confident, assertive and believe in yourself, and it will treat you accordingly.
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